


We Are Who We Are

by FandomsAreLife8_26_91



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Alpha Scott McCall, Depressed Stiles, Derek cares, Derek is Not a Failwolf, Derek is a Good Boyfriend, Good Peter Hale, Insecure Stiles Stilinski, Isaac is a puppy, M/M, Malia is a Good Friend, Post-Nogitsune Stiles Stilinski, Protective Derek, Sad Stiles Stilinski, Sassy Lydia, Scott McCall is a Good Alpha, Scott is a Good Friend, Sorry Not Sorry, Stiles Has Nightmares, Stiles Has Panic Attacks, Stiles Stilinski Angst, Stiles Stilinski Feels Guilty, Stiles Stilinski Has Low Self-Esteem, Werewolf Stiles Stilinski, all the stiles angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-21
Updated: 2017-05-29
Packaged: 2018-07-16 12:01:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,579
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7267354
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FandomsAreLife8_26_91/pseuds/FandomsAreLife8_26_91
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Stiles gets turned into a werewolf while fighting the new baddies in town. Can he live with the consequences? </p><p>Takes place after season 4, Derek and Isaac never left, Peter didn’t turn bad, Scira and Stalia never happened.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Bite

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters, all rights belong to Jeff Davis.

## 

**Stiles POV**

We were fighting the new baddies in town, nothing new. It was witches this time, and I figured out witches are bitches. Wow, Stiles, just wow. I wanted to punch myself in the face sometimes.

Anyway, back to the fight.

It was getting ready to end, just one bitch, I mean witch, left. Derek was going to hand her ass to her when all the sudden she disappeared…and appeared a few feet behind Derek. Nobody saw her, it was just me. And instead of warning them like any logical person would do, I jumped in front of the witch, blocking Derek from getting stabbed in the back with a spell, but then that lead to me getting stabbed in the stomach with a spell that caused a gigantic wound to appear. But it was worth Derek not getting hurt.

This spell was not my favorite one personally, and it was agonizing. I couldn’t help but let a few tears escape my eyes and let out a few groans, more like screams, of pain.

When I let out the first scream Derek turned around instantly, grabbing the witch by her face and crushing it, at least my last moments were seeing my boyfriend be such a badass. When she turned to dust like all witches do when they die, he came to my side immediately. He laid me in his lap and held my head in his hands.

“Stiles…” He whispered, tears streaming down his face.

“I-I don’t regret it.” I responded.

“I lo-love you Derek, and I alwa…always will.”

“I-I love you, too, Stiles. Please don’t leave me! Please…”

“Pr-Promise me something. Don’t sh-shut everyone out, let them he-help you.”

“I won’t let you die!”

“T-Take care of m-my dad for me…” Was the last thing I said before the world faded from my eyes.

 

**Derek POV**

I saw Stiles’ eyes close and I heard his heart stop beating.

“NOOOO!!!” I screamed. “No…”

Then an idea popped into my head.

“Scott, give him the bite, _now_.” I may not be the alpha anymore, but the leadership quality was still in me. Scott didn’t protest but went to Stiles’s side instantly. “Oh his forearm, make sure to not puncture any major veins.” The color was already leaving his skin.

Scott obeyed, probably not wanting his best friend, his _brother_ , to die.

Everyone crowded around us, watching intently, not wanting to watch the boy who holds us together to die so young.

One minute turned to two minutes, two turned to three, and silent tears ran down our cheeks has we slowly lost hope.

I leaned down and I softly kissed his lips and touched his forehead with mine.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t protect you…” I whispered, “I’m sorry.” I couldn’t look at him anymore, I had to close my eyes.

“Derek?” I heard someone say. It was Scott. “Derek, look.”

I opened my eyes and I looked down at Stiles. The color had returned to his face and his wound had healed. But, most importantly, I could hear his heartbeat again.

I breathed a sigh of relief, I hadn’t lost him, not yet.

“Stiles? Stiles, can you hear me?” I asked him.

Stiles’ eyes fluttered open, and they were glowing blue, but I was too happy to care or notice, they same applied to the rest of us. “Derek?” He asked weakly, “What happened?”

“You almost died, but Scott gave you the bite, so, you’re alive!”

But, Stiles didn’t seem that excited. “Oh, okay.”

“Stiles?” I asked worriedly. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing! Everything’s okay, I’m happy to be alive, to be with you!” Stiles smiled, but it looked force. However, that didn’t matter, what mattered was that he was alive.

I helped Stiles sit up. “How do you feel?” Isaac asked him.

“Good, I feel stronger.” Stiles answered.

“No sudden urges to kill someone? Are your senses out of whack?” I asked.

“No, not really.”

“Huh,” Liam said, “that’s weird. When I first got turned, it felt like I couldn’t control anything.”

“Well, you already had anger issues so maybe that made it hard for you.” Stiles suggested.

“But, Liam’s right.” Scott argued. “Do you remember when I first got turned I didn’t know what the hell was going on?”

“But, you were in denial of it all and didn’t know anything. I, on the other hand, have been exposed to all of this for awhile now so I think I have an idea how this all works. Besides, compared to the nogitsune this is a walk in the park.” 

I gave Stiles a look. That was the first time he said the word ‘nogitsune’ since it had happened.

I saw Stiles tense up, he probably now just realized what he had said.

 

**Stiles POV**

When I woke up and they told me I was a werewolf, I thought that this day couldn’t get any worse. All I’ve ever wanted to be was someone who got weird wolf related urges and turned into a skinny Chewbacca on the full moon. No offense to Derek or Scott, no, they can pull it off, but me? I guy who has been described as lanky and weak all his life, now, suddenly strong and athletic? Come on, let’s be real, no Twilight shit is going to fix me all in one day.

Now back to the conversation at hand.

I can’t believe I just let the word ‘nogitsune’ slip out of my big mouth. Naturally, I tense up when I realize what I did. Then I start thinking back to when I killed all of those people, including Aiden, all of those people in the hospital, _Allison_. I can’t believe I killed Scott’s first girlfriend. It’s my fault and it’s always been my-

“Hey,” Derek said, it was like he knew what I was thinking, he probably did, since I’ve voiced these thoughts with him before. “it’s okay, we’ll get through this.” Maybe, I add silently.

“Come on,” Scott said, “Let’s go back to the loft.”

**Derek POV**

We made it back home with no problems, luckily. Stiles collapsed on the couch, probably exhausted from today’s events. But then I remembered that I forgot to ask him something. 

“Hey, Stiles.” I started as I sat down across from him. “Can you-” His eyes started flickering bright blue. That answered my question. “I guess not.” I concluded.

“What?” Stiles asked me, confused.

“I was wondering if you could control your eyes. But then they started flickering light blue and that-”

“Wait what?” Stiles interrupted.

“What?” I asked. Everyone else in the room just glared at me.

“What color are my eyes, again?”

Oh no, I didn’t even think about it. “Uh, it doesn’t really matter, we’ll worry about it la-”

“No.” Stiles firmly stated. “Derek, what color are my eyes?”

“Blue.” I whispered softly, hoping he couldn’t hear me. But, that wasn’t going to happen, since Stiles now had enhanced hearing.

“It’s because I killed all of those innocent people, isn’t it?” Stiles asked me with sadness in his voice.

“No, it probably means something else, we don’t know for sure-”

“Don’t try to lie to me, Derek.” Stiles literally _growled_. What have I done? 

Stiles looked apologetic. “Sorry…” He whispered.

“No, it’s okay!” I assured. 

“NO IT’S NOT!” He yelled, clearly angry. Stiles  _never_ get’s angry, he gets frustrated, but never angry. Maybe he doesn’t have as much control as we thought. “No, it’s not.” He tried quieter. “You’ve tried to help me in anyway you can and I’ve only repaid you by yelling at you and being ungrateful. I’m sorry.” You could tell he was about to cry, and when Stiles starts crying you start crying. “I’m going to go upstairs and take a shower.” He informed us.

Once he left, Lydia was the one to speak first. “Nice going, ass bag.”

“Lydia-”

“No, Scott. She’s right. I’ve should’ve been more careful.” I told him.

“What about his dad?” Kira asked, “What will we tell him?”

“We won’t have to worry about that for another week.” Scott responded, “Stiles’ dad is in Florida at some training thing, I guess.”

“So Stiles can stay here?” I wondered.

“Yeah, and we can keep an eye on him.” Scott confirmed.

“We’re lucky it’s the summer, and school’s not in.” Liam pointed out.

“Yeah.” Isaac agreed. “But how are we going to train him? He probably won’t admit that he doesn’t have complete control any time soon.”

“We’ll figure it out.” Scott assured. “But, in the mean time, let’s all go home and get some sleep.”

“But what about Stiles? Will he be okay here?” Malia questioned.

“Don’t worry, he’ll be safe here. He’s stayed here many times before, this time is no different.” I clarified.

“Okay, I just want him to feel safe.” She said.


	2. Chapter Two: The Nightmare

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A nightmare can have a bigger impact than you can think.

**Stiles POV**  
As the cool water hits my face, I let my thoughts consume me.

I can't believe I yelled at Derek, my boyfriend, the man who's been there for me at my worst moments. I yelled at the pack, my beloved pack, the family that I've grown to love.

This is why I didn't want to be a werewolf, because I knew I wouldn't be able to control it. I let power consume me too easily. When I was possessed, I, involuntarily, enjoyed everything I was doing. I'm a monster, always have been. It's my fault my mother died.

I step out of the shower and I look at my naked body in the mirror. I'm still as lanky and skinny as before, the only difference is that I could break off the handle to the door if I didn't focus.

My eyes glow and I see their intense blue color. I let a single tear slide down my face. I can smell the salty track it leaves and it reminds me why I'm in this situation. Another tear falls.

I can hear Derek's footsteps slowly make their way up the stairs. I can almost see the way he’s walking. Putting all of his weight on each step and leans to the left and right, making the steps creak.

He stops in front of the bedroom door, I can hear is nervous breath as he makes his decision. His hand slides over the handle, and it twists slowly, giving me plenty of time to protest.

I just close my eyes

 **Derek POV**  
My hand slowly twists the handle, giving him enough time to tell me to stop. I smell a hint of salt, and with a pang to my chest I realize he's crying.

He doesn't say anything so I open the door.

He's standing naked in front of the mirror and I make my way toward him. He's still dripping wet so I grab a towel and start to gently dry him off. His eyes are shut and his structure his statue like.

When he's dry enough, I gently rub my hands over his beautiful stomach. I know his insecurities and that becoming a werewolf wouldn't suddenly change them, so I hug him and rub his back to assure him of my love for him without having to say anything.

I place a soft kiss to his forehead and a dam inside him breaks. Silent tears start to flow freely from his eyes and all I can do is hold him. I don't say that everything's going to be okay, that this doesn't change anything. Because now he can hear the blatant lie in my heartbeat, and that just make it worse. Because it's not going to be the same, and it's not going to be entirely okay, but I'll be damned if we don't try to get close to it.

 **Stiles POV**  
I'm falling and falling, images of the dead go by in a blur.

“You killed your mother you hear me.” A whiskey bottle shatters.

“Aiden!” The oni’s sword clatters to the ground.

“He's trying to kill me.” The heart monitor goes flat.

“I love you, Scott, Scott McCall.” Lydia’s pained scream in the tunnels.

“And now you're killing me.” My dad collapsing from the alcohol.

“Can you page Melissa McCall for me please.” The screams of the people in the hospital.

The bomb goes off at the sheriff station, with Derek in it.

I throw Derek into the wall at the loft. “Shoot me!”

Derek.

Derek.

Don't be such a sourwolf.

Monster.

“Let me in.”

Freak.

“Wake Up.”

Killer.

“Do I die? I don't care.”

Murderer.

I hit the ground and I can hear my neck crack.

“Everyone has it but no one can lose it.”

Darkness consumes me.

“A shadow.”

I wake up and I can't even hear my screams, the voices from my nightmare are too loud, the reverberate off my ears drums.

I try to get out but I can't, cotton sheets strangling me.

I can't focus with all of my sobbing. I struggle to move and I flail around crazily, giving everything I can to escape my own jail. I feel strong arms encase my stomach and I hear a voice whispering in my ear.

“Shhh, Stiles, it's okay. I'm here and I'm not leaving. You're just in bed, it was a nightmare.”

I fall limp against Derek's chest. He continues his ramble of sweet nothings as he maneuvers us into a comfortable position. I'm laying on my back and he's on he's on his side next to me. He looks at my eyes but I can't return the stare, I can only stare at the ceiling numbly.

“Stiles?” He asks tentatively.

I can't reply, I don't even think I'm breathing. I continue to stare up in a trance-like state.

“Stiles?” He asks more worriedly this time. I know the thoughts he's thinking and they put a metallic taste on my tongue.

Has he finally lost it?

Is it time for a revisit to Eichen House?

The last one is the worst.

Should I leave this nut job and move on to someone ten times better?

But I can't reassure him of my sanity, I just can't. So when he gently moves my head to side to face him better, I don't even move. I'm like a rag doll, I must look like one too by the fearful look he's giving me.

“Stiles?” This time it's quiet, unsure, and scared.

I want to say something, I want to apologize, but nothing comes out of my mouth. I just stare at a space behind Derek, like I'm looking through him.

He shakes me a little, it does nothing, just emphasizes my limp body.

It's like I'm in a comatose. I want to cry, but I can't, I want to show some kind of emotion other than complete numbness, but I can't.

According to Derek I stayed like this for another twenty-four hours.

 


	3. Chapter Three: Family

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Family loves each other in different ways. Family is an anchor, a comfort.

**Derek POV**  
I looked into Stiles’ glassy eyes. “Stiles?” I hate how weak I sounded.

I shake him a little, but he's limp. The only sign that says he's alive is his steady breathing.

I let five minutes pass and he hasn't moved. I'm more than worried now, I'm terrified.

I look at the time, 5:30. I grab my phone with the intent to call Deaton. Back when he was the Hale pack’s emissary, he was always up by 5:00, so I know that he'll answer.

“Derek?” He asks me.

“Something's wrong Deaton, something's wrong with Stiles.” I reply.

“Does it have to be about being turned into a werewolf? Scott told me the whole story.”

“I-I don't know. He just had a really bad nightmare, but once I calmed him down he hasn't moved, and his eyes have this glassy, numbish look.”

“Does he move when you move him?”

“Yeah, he's like a rag doll.”

“I'm on my way.”

I open the door for him once he arrives and I take him upstairs to Stiles. He moves to the left side of the bed and sits down carefully. I just stand to the side, observing the vet’s work from a distance.

“Stiles?” He asks gently, “Can you hear me?”

No response.

“I'm going to flash a light in your eyes, okay?” He pulls out the tool and clicks the button. He shines it into Stiles’ eyes. His pupils constrict like they're supposed to, signaling that his brain is physically fine.

The doctor lets out a sigh. “I have a feeling that this has to do with the shock of the situation. The enhanced abilities have sent his brain into overdrive, mentally. His mental awareness needs to catch up with his physical body. His mind needs to settle. He'll be like this for awhile, but not forever. His natural reflexes will come back quickly, probably in the next hour, so when that happens you should be able to give him water. We shouldn't give him food until he wakes up, because he could easily choke in the position he's in.”

I nod, taking in all of this information.

“That's all I can do for now.” He makes his way to the door.

“Thanks, Deaton.”

“Anything.”

 

 

 

An hour later I try to get some water down his throat. Each sip goes down smoothly, it takes me fifteen minutes to finish the whole glass.

After that, I decide that his friends should be able to see him, maybe it'd help.

Scott is over in less than ten minutes. He goes immediately to his side. “Buddy, oh God, are you okay?”

Stiles still doesn't respond, but the twitch of his finger is enough to catch my eye.

“Did you see that?” I ask.

“Yeah!” Scott smiles. “That's improvement, right?”

I nod a little.

“Let me try something.” He says. His alpha red eyes glow, and Stiles’ eyes flicker blue in response. Then he blinks, which is definitely improvement.

 

 

 

Lydia comes next. “Oh honey.” She runs her fingers through his hair, soothingly. He growls gently. I use to be jealous of their relationship. Then I realized that they love each other, but not romantically. They love each other like brother and sister.

 

 

 

Malia is next and she actually whines when she sees him. I understand that Stiles is her anchor, he's mine too. So I understand when she has to hug him, because unlike Scott and Lydia, the wolf instinct is in us. We need physical contact with our pack we'll go insane. I don't mind when she has to stay a little bit longer than I'd usually let.

 

 

 

My heart breaks when Isaac visits. Stiles has always been like a parental figure to Isaac, even though they're the same age. We've always joked that Stiles is the pack mom, but it's especially true for Isaac.

“Stiles?” Nothing. “Stiles?” The teenager tries again. It's useless.

I see a tear roll down Isaac’s face and I get up from my chair to offer him a hug. “He'll be okay, pup, he'll be okay.” He leaves after his sobs subside.

 

 

 

I'm asleep, arms wrapped around Stiles in a protective manner, ready for any sign of movement to wake me.

That next morning his voice breaks through my sleep. “D’rek” Stiles’ voice is rough from not being used for twenty four hours.

My eyes open immediately and I'm hovering over him. “Stiles? Can you hear me?”

He nods his head and I let out a sigh and smile of relief. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, no, I-I don't, Derek, please don't leave me.” Stiles’ eyes are brimmed with tears and I realize that Stiles’ been aware this whole time, with only his thoughts. His thoughts, thoughts that can destroy him.

“I'm not leaving you, Stiles. _I love you._ ”

He gives me a small smile. “I love you, too.”

Stiles is finally up and going thirty minutes later. His legs are a little wobbly from no use. I'm there for him each step of the way, literally and figuratively.

We're sitting on the couch and he starts talking. “After Deaton left everything passed by in a blur. I kept thinking, _‘he's going to leave me, he's going to realize I'm crazy and find someone better.’_ By the end of it, I-I started to, I started,” he chokes on a sob and I wrap him in my arms. He gets the courage to continue, “I started to want to die.”

My heart clenches and my lungs constrict.

“Not anymore.” He adds. He's not lying. “I don't want to die, but I did.”

I capture his lips in a reassuring and passionate kiss. It's not dirty, just loving. I force all of my love for him into it, and he kisses back. I pull away and lean my forehead against his and we each give a smile full of happiness.

Yeah, we can do this.


	4. The Arrival

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stiles is facing a new problem, telling his dad.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for not uploading sooner, it's hard to find time and motivation to write.

**Derek's POV**  
“What am I supposed to tell my dad?” Stiles asks me.

“The truth, it'll be okay. He knows about werewolves, has for awhile now. He'll be glad your not dead.”

“But about my eyes?” His eyes flickered, he hadn't exactly gotten control over it yet. “How am I supposed to explain to him that his son is a killer?”

“Stiles.” I say firmly. “You're not a killer. You're a hero.” I could see him start to protest and I had to stop him. “No, please don't argue with me, Sti. Just trust me when I tell you that it'll be fine, please.”

“Fine.” He agrees. His eyes start to glow bright blue.

“Good. Now, we need to practice on your control.”

“Scott’s already tried, we didn't get anywhere. Apparently I'm worse than Liam.” He let out a self-depreciating laugh.

“Just let me try.” I place my hands on his shoulders. “Find your anchor. Something that grounds you to humanity. It can be anything, mine used to be anger, Scott's went from-”

“What's yours now?”

“What?”

“What do you use now? You said anger was your anchor.”

I let out a sigh, I've never actually admitted this to Stiles. “You.”

Stiles grabs my face and kisses me. It's a short kiss, and when he pulls away I notice that his eyes stopped glowing.

“It's you.” He says.

“What do you mean?” I ask, still taken by surprise.

“You're my anchor.” He says affirmatively. “You make me human, you ground me to the world. But sometimes you can also make me howl.” He gives me a smirk and I really want to flick him, except he looks really hot when he smirks.

“Are you really trying to hint at sex right now?”

“What? We haven't had it since I got turned, I was thinking about experimenting a little.” With that his claws extend and he gently rakes them down my back. I shiver involuntarily.

“Stiles, are you sure about this?” I ask shakily.

“Hell,” He palms me through my jeans and I moan in pleasure, “yes.”

I listen to his heartbeat to see if there's any anxiety, panic, but there's nothing, just pure lust. I let go of all self control and latch my mouth onto his neck, baring my fangs and gently breaking the skin. It heals almost immediately but the effect leaves Stiles a needy mess. He wraps his legs around me and we head upstairs to the bedroom. Let's just say it's a good thing no one else lives at the loft.

 

 **Stiles’ POV**  
I wake up slowly, the sunlight making me squint. _Oh shit_ , I sit up suddenly.

“What's wrong?” Derek asks sleepily beside me.

“My dad’s coming home today!”

Derek has sat up by now, placing his hand on my back. “I told you, it'll be fine. We’re going to pick him up from the airport, we're going to take him home, and once he's settled we’re going to tell him what happened to you. Everything will be fine.”

“Fine, we should probably get dressed, then.”

“I thought you liked me without my shirt?” Derek says, smirking.

I can't help but roll my eyes. As we get off the bed I respond, “You're a dork, now get dressed.”

“Bossy, bossy.” He says as he smacks my ass, which earns him a glare from me. “Don't be such a downer.”

“I haven't had my coffee yet, so I will be as much as a downer as I want.”

 

The way to the airport is mostly silent, the radio playing softly. I let the warm Starbucks cup heat up my freezing hands as I think about what to say. Thankfully, Derek knows me well enough that I need silence once in awhile, because to anyone else this silence would be unnerving.

Apparently it's too quiet even for Derek, so he asks, “You okay there, Sti?”

“Yeah, yeah I'm fine.” I answer hesitantly.

He gives me a suspicious glance, but he only replies with an okay.

 

We pull into the Beacon Hills airport and it's busy as hell. You would think that at 7:00 am it wouldn't be crowded, but _no_ , it has to be so packed that you can smell each other's breath, which, _ew_.

We walk around, trying to find the right place, when I hear someone calling my name. I turn around quickly and I see my dad waving at us. “Dad!” I yell out. I run faster than I've ever had, Derek trailing behind me, and I crush my dad into a hug. Maybe a little too hard, because a few seconds later he's trying to pull away. “Oh, sorry, not used to my new strength.” I tell him as I quickly unwrap my arms.

He gives me a confused glance.

“It's a long story.” Derek informs, I nod my head in agreement.

“Hopefully the car ride is longer.” My dad says with a look that makes it look like a lecture is soon in my future.

 

We've barely left the airport parking lot when my dad says, “Spill.”

I take a deep, long, dramatic sigh. “Well, it was your normal fight in the woods. A witch was being a total asshole. She was getting ready to put a spell on Derek, and me being me, I jumped in front of it. It turns out it was a spell that causes a fatal wound to immediately appear. I would've died, but Scott gave me the bite, and now your son is a werewolf. Surprise!” I say with a sarcastic, happy tone.

I can see in the rearview mirror the look Derek is giving me, hinting to me that I forgot something. I know it's about the part I left out, but I've decided it's unnecessary to tell him, unnecessary worry. Good thing my boyfriend is smart, so he quickly understands and doesn't push.

The rest of the car ride is just simple small talk, asking my dad about the trip, what normal events have happened in Beacon Hills, etc., etc. The whole time my dad doesn't look too upset, is acting like everything is fine, which doesn't surprise me. I knew he wouldn't take the werewolf part too hard, it was just the other stuff. When I came out to him and I told him Derek and I were dating, he said he owed Melissa twenty bucks. Yeah, not the reaction I was expecting.

We get to the house and Dad gets out of the car, I'm getting ready to follow when he tells me, “No, it's okay, I just really want to sleep off some of the jet lag, go spend some time with Derek.” He fucking _winks_ at us, then goes inside.

**Author's Note:**

> Give kudos and comment below if you liked it!
> 
> My main Tumblr - @FandomsAreLife8-26-91  
> My Instagram - voidsterek.edits
> 
> Go check out my Time is Priceless series!


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